Well it's Friday night and I've spent it FREAKING out about being gone from Natalie for the first time ever. Tomorrow night, Kevin has planned a birthday getaway for me. And while I WAS really, really excited all I feel now is really, really nauseated at the thought of being gone from my kiddo-rooney for the first time. Oh the trauma!
I'm sure I'm not the first mother out there to feel such anxiety about that first night away. And I know I've got to deal with it. It it's not like I can just sit on the child for the rest of her life because I have separation issues. I'm just deathly afraid of something happening to either one of us while we're apart. I want to BE there to raise my kid and BE there to see her go to prom, get married and have kids of her own. But if I keep this up, who says she's even going to be able to leave my sight to actually accomplish any of those things? So I'm really trying to not think about it and tell myself everything is going to be "fine". That and a lot of prayer.
I'm not sure what I was thinking a few weeks ago when I exhuberantly agreed to take a 5 day getaway with my sister in September sans Kevin and Natalie. I AM looking forward to the time with my sister, but if ONE night away is killing me now, I'm going to be a basket case then. Baby steps... breathe in, breathe out. I've got to go get my paper bag.